Friday, December 24, 2010

A Dwarven Christmas Classic

Twas the night before Axemas and all through the hold
The Dwarves were all drinking "to stave off the cold."
The rifles were hung on the wall in plain sight
In hopes that some hordies were lookin' to fight!

The lightweights were sleeping, passed out on the floor,
Throughout the stone hallways we all heard them snore.
My gnome in her 'lock robes and I in my mail
Had just settled down for some rum and some ale.

When out in the hills we heard such a screamin'
I grabbed down my rifle and she summoned her demon
Expecting a fight we flew from the gate
Only to find we'd arrived far too late.

An Axe in the chest of a new fallen Troll
Glinted red 'neath the moonlight in blood covered snow.
When what should we see on a ridge just ahead
But the slayer of trolls now killing undead!

He showed off such grace with his slashes and hacks
I knew it could only be Axebeard Beardaxe!
He drank as he slew them, he drank while they cried
He laughed and he taunted with each one that died.

"No you cannot best me you silly Forsaken
This Ol' Axebeard's life is not for the takin'
I'll show you what happens to sneakers at night
They meet up with me and then die in the fight."

As the day turns to night and the sunlight does fade
So too did they perish at the end of his blade.
When the fighting was over I saw it quite clear
He turned to the sky, and finished his beer.

He wiped off his axe on the back of the fallen
Then looked straight at me and started to callin'
"Hey laddie come here I've got you a present,
and bring your young lady she looks rather pleaseant."

He was coverd in blood from his head to his toes.
You could see in his beared where spilled ale had been froze.
The unkempt old dwarf had a large leather sack
Which he loosend and set on the ground from his back.

The axe he pulled out was the finest I've seen
Along with a pink axe engraved "Gnomish Queen"
He said "Axemas is that special time of year,
When enemies of the dwarves should know only fear."

"Use these axes to chop and crush and to maim
Take our enemies lives, put their homes to the flame."
He was crazed and psychotic but charming I guess
We didn't want to become a dead bleeding mess.

So we accepted his gifts and we played right along
With this dwarf who had been in the cold far too long.
We shared some of our whiskey then bade him good night
When he hopped on his gryphon who'd been out of sight

She was a strong and proud gryphon once wild and free
With no saddle nor harness nor dwarf hearaldry
Upon her back the dwarf  fed her a treat
And with an ear piercing shriek she accepted the meat.

She leaped up from the ground and with her rider took care
And flew away quickly in the cold dwarven air.
But I heard him shout drunkenly as he sped out of sight
"Happy AxeMas to all, and to all a good fight!"

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